As my husband and I approach our 7th wedding anniversary, I’ve been reflecting on the key lessons that have helped us grow together and remain steadfast. Here are seven essential lessons that have fortified our marriage, rooted in biblical principles and enriched by practical experiences.
1. Keep Christ at the Center
When my husband and I were dating, we made it very clear that we loved each other but our relationship with Christ would be at the forefront. We wanted to keep Jesus in the center of our relationship. I saw an image once of a triangle with God at the top point and each person on the following two points. It was a representation of how when we grow closer to Jesus, we will become closer as husband and wife as well.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 states:
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
With Christ at the center of our marriage, we have been able to withstand the trials and fiery darts from the enemy. It is so much easier having someone to lean on and both of us leaning on Christ to make it through trials.
2. Consistency in Prayer
One way we keep Christ at the center is through consistent prayer. We pray individually and together, setting aside time to pray for each other and our marriage. Having this time to pray for your spouse allows you to surrender those things that might irritate you about your spouse and see them as Jesus sees them. There have been many times I have gone to God about something that has irritated me or I didn’t understand about my husband. Every time I’m done praying, I have peace and don’t have to fret over the reason I was praying about. I also have more compassion and love towards my husband because I am seeing him as Jesus sees him.
Setting aside time to pray together has also greatly benefited our marriage. My husband and I have set aside prayer time before bed for several years, and it has greatly benefited us! Praying over ourselves, our family, and for what God desires has allowed us to become one and keep Jesus at the center.
Colossians 4:2 states:
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.
The trials in this life are tough but having a consistent prayer life with thanksgiving together for and with your spouse will only strengthen your marriage as it has ours.
3. Staying in the Word of God
There have been many trials where my husband and I needed encouragement or didn’t know what we needed to do. It was during these times; we would find scripture that encouraged us. Staying in the Bible separately and together has allowed us to grow and handle the various seasons we have experienced. Whenever we felt like giving up, I would read a scripture and share it with my husband, which helped us keep pushing through the season or trial, and vice versa. Encouragement from the living Word of God is the best when you are not sure what to do.
4. Communicate
As you have heard or read from so many other places: communicate! This is huge and imperative for a strong, Godly marriage. I must confess, this is my biggest struggle and one that I must constantly work on. I tend to keep everything bottled up but I’m grateful God gave me a husband that communicates and knows me well. There have been so many times my husband has asked questions and made me spill what was on my heart or mind.
Ephesians 4:15 states:
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Learning to communicate with your spouse in love will grow your marriage and strengthen it. As the years have gone on, I have learned to communicate a little better but still work on it daily.
5. Embrace Your Unique Roles
In a Biblically founded marriage, there are certain roles we are called to do.
Ephesians 5:22-25 states:
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Wives are called to submit and respect our husbands and husbands are called to love their wives and lay their lives down for her. This may seem countercultural today, but following these principles has made our marriage flourish. I know in my marriage, when I am actively working to respect and submit to my husband, he feels it and vice versa. Submitting isn’t bowing down to your husband but to how he feels God leading the family you have created is important. He is the head of the home and just as we submit to Christ as our Lord so we should our husbands. Just as Christ showed us the ultimate meaning of love by laying his life down, so should the husband for his wife. A way your husband might lay down his life is giving up time for himself to spend it with or the family.
6. Be Intentional
When my husband and I were going through premarital counseling, we were instructed to do the 5 Love Languages Test. After completing it, we shared it with each other and found our top two love languages were the same but flipped. Mine were quality time and then physical touch and his were the opposite. Throughout our marriage, there have been times when we haven’t thought much about the test, but when we do it makes the connection between each other so much stronger. When my husband spends quality time with me, no phones, at night before bed, I go to bed much happier than when we rush through out evenings. Maybe you receive love from acts of service or words or gifts. Whatever it is, be intentional about it. Whether it’s touching your husband’s arm with a kiss before work or doing the dishes for your wife at the end of the day, these little acts of intentional love go a long way to building a strong Godly marriage.
7. Have Fun
And one of the last lessons I’ve learned these last 7 years of marriage is to have fun!! Finding activities that make us laugh and enjoy each other’s company has strengthened our relationship. Having fun has often reminded me of when we dated and didn’t have the responsibility of kids or responsibilities. One of our favorite things to do is put puzzles together, something we discovered about each other after marriage. We have stayed up late and laughed so much while doing them. These memories are what help you push through the times when you’re stressed and feeling low about something. Finding ways to have fun can also be short moments in your day like flirting or sending funny memes to each other! Whatever it is, have fun and enjoy marriage!
These seven lessons are just a few of the many we’ve learned over the past seven years. Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, but it is ultimately a rewarding and joyful experience when rooted in biblical principles. Whether you’re single, newly married, or have been married for years, I hope these lessons encourage you to keep striving for a Godly marriage filled with love, respect, and joy.
What lessons have you learned in your marriage? Share your experiences in the comments below!
